Shovels, Sand and Serious Secrets
by XoX-queen-bee-XoX
Summary: When Hayden meets Zigzag, she thinks she might have just met the 'one'. There's just one problem; as far as he knows she's a guy. Bad summary but R & R if you want
1. Dig it

"All rise for the members of the jury".

Everyone stood and I looked down nervously at my hands. They were shaking slightly and I realised to my immense disgust that I was scared. Of what, I wasn't exactly sure. Maybe it was the prospect of having to go to jail that was making me want to puke all over the dark wooden desk in front of me, but I doubted it. I reckoned I could handle jail just fine. No, I was pretty sure that the thing that was my making my hands shake and my spine prickle, were the five boys standing stiffly in front of the seats at the back of room with the green bandanas poking subtly out of the top of their suit pockets. I didn't know what they were expecting to get out of coming to the trial; it wasn't like they got any revenge for him by watching me get dragged away to jail. I considered briefly the idea that they were there simply to try and scare me, in which case whoever came up with the idea had done a damn good job, but I was pretty certain that that wasn't it either. Andy saw me looking towards the back of them room and gave me a reassuring smile; She thought I was looking at the jury. So the others must not have seen them. But that was probably a good thing. Having a brawl in the middle of a courtroom probably wasn't the best idea, and I didn't doubt that they would do it if they saw the others; respect meant a lot in this city and there was no better way to get it than by beating up one of _them_. Thanks to that rule, I had bucket loads of respect. Unfortunately, I also had a criminal record about a mile long that was about to land me in the grungiest prison on earth. Just freakin' wonderful.

The jury members sat back down in their seats and I grimaced slightly, dead certain that I wasn't going to like what came out of their mouths.

"Please be seated. Will the defendant please rise".

"How do you find the defendant?" the words were spoken swiftly and harshly. I had no doubt in my mind as to what the answer was going to be.

"We, the members of the jury, find the defendant, on the charges of theft, assault and murder, _**guilty**_"

The word seemed to reverberate around my head, banging against the walls of my skull like an echo that never got any quieter. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't open my mouth. It was one thing to know that you were guilty, but quite another to realise that you were about to be put away for what was probably going to be the better half of your life. I heard a voice and for a second I didn't realise it was my own, until I made out the words that I was involuntarily saying.

"Please, please no. Don't put me in jail, _please_. I have to go home, I have people to take care of. You can't do this to me! It wasn't even my fault, it was self defence, he was going to _kill_ me. _Please_..." I couldn't speak any more and I collapsed into the chair behind me and buried my face in my hands. I heard the sound of feet moving all around me, and soft voices, whispering my name, but I couldn't sit up. I just sat there, my eyes closed, my face pressed against the white sleeves of my shirt. Among the rustling noise of the people around me, I heard a familiar voice calling my name. I was so confused that I couldn't make out whether or not it was a girl or boys voice that was calling me.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my back. I looked up expecting to see Cee standing over me, but it wasn't him, it was the judge Horatio something or other. Like that guy of CSI. I wasn't sure why in my 

moment of insanity, that thought came to me, but it did. He looked surprisingly nice, considering how horrible he had been throughout the trial. I glared at him.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice full of bitterness.

"I want to talk to you in my office. I have a proposition for you" he said, and I found that I had no will to do anything other than follow him to his office.

"Listen Miss. Devitt, I know this must be hard for you" he began, drumming his fingers steadily on the desk that he sat behind. "Although I don't dispute the fact that what you did was wrong, and you deserve to be punished for it, I believe that a less severe punishment may be reasonable. I was going to send you to jail, but I believe a better option would be to give you a choice of sorts. You see a way away from here, there's a... Well, a _camp._ It's a reform camp type of thing, where teenagers, such as yourself are sent to become more functional members of society. I think that maybe it would be a good idea for you to get right away from this place and this is the best way I can think of for you to do that. Of course it's completely up to you, if you would prefer jail, then that's fine".

"Y'all don't mean Washington far away do you?" I asked, realising with distinct certainty that when he said 'far away' he really meant it. He shook his head, with an almost regretful smile. "Well, I suppose anything'd be better than jail" I said, still grimacing at the idea of having to take a shower with about 50 other chicks.

"Wait, Hayden, before you make your decision, there's a bit of a, well, a catch I suppose you could say. This camp, it's not exactly for people like you-"

"What do you mean people like me?" I interrupted, as all like I had developed for this man disappearing straight out the window. What exactly was he trying to say?

"Please, hear me out Hayden, I didn't mean any offence. By people like you I simply meant, well, _girls_. It's an all boys camp you see. I have talked to the camp warden and she has decided to make an exception for you. On one condition..." he trailed off and I looked at him expectantly.

"You're gonna have to spit it out man, I can't read your mind" I told him incredulously. How bad could it be?

"She wants you to- well she says that it would be preferable for none of the others to know that you were a girl. She thinks it will cause too many distractions for the boys"

"So you're saying that you want me to dress up like a dude?" I asked, resisting the urge to laugh. This guy was offering me dress ups instead of jail. He nodded and I frowned. "Yeah, yeah alright. I'm down with that. When do I go?"

"Now"

"But I ain't got any clothes and shit" I said sceptically.

"Don't worry, they will give you some" he definitely got bonus points for ignoring the swearing, unlike most adults. And since when was I ever one to turn down free clothes?

"Kay then, let's get this show on the road" I muttered, not forgetting the fact that this wasn't going to be a summer camp or anything. I was still going to a detention camp, "Hey wait, this place," I said, turning around with my hand resting on the door handle, "What's it called"?

"Camp Green Lake".

...

**Okay, that's chapter One. Thanks for reading.**

**and just for the record, I haven't forgotten about Poison Ivy, I just had this idea, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot it.**

**So if you're reading this and you haven't read 'Poison Ivy' then there's a song for each chapter and there'll be like one line from that song in the chapter. This one's song is 'Dig it' because I'm just so original like that. I know there wasn't a line in there from it, but it seemed to make sense anyway and besides it's my story so I can do whatever I want LOL.**

**If you have an idea for a song that you want then just let me know ;)**

**Reviews please?**

**Cheers**

**Bee**

**xx**


	2. Welcome to the jungle

"You're in D-tent" the guy behind the desk- Mr. Sir he said his name was- told me, spitting a seed into a bucket. I grimaced. "You're counsellor's Mr. Pendanski. He'll be here in a minute".

"Does he know I'm a girl?"

"Nope, and you're gonna keep it that way. If anyone finds out, then you're gone like that" he leered, clicking his fingers.

"This ain't gonna be easy girlie" he said, lowering his aviators to glare at me, "Don't think we're gonna go easy on ya, just 'casue you're a girl. This ain't no girl scouts camp". I rolled my eyes.

"I get it already" I muttered, not really caring if he heard, although he didn't respond if he did hear. He had been going on about the girl thing for the last twenty minutes. He seemed so sexist, I was tempted to tell him that women could actually vote now, but I didn't want to kill the old guy. One murder was about my limit. He handed me a cap and nodded towards my head.

"You want me to wear this?" I spat, staring at the ugly orange thing he had handed me.

"Unless you want me to shave all your hair off, you better" he said, adjusting his cowboy hat and I glared at him.

"Alright, alright, I'm putting it on" I told him, pulling my dark brown hair up under the hat and ramming it firmly onto my head. It went nicely with the ugly orange jumpsuit that I was also being forced to wear. I surveyed myself in the mirror and gave an approving grunt. I looked like a lanky traffic cone, but at least I didn't look like a girl. With no hair, and no figure, even I wouldn't have known I was a girl. If the jumpsuit did one thing for me, it made me look even skinnier, which was probably not a good thing. I had always been thin, and with all the stress of the fight and the trial lately, I had grown even thinner. The baggy jumpsuit only enhanced this, especially where my darkly tanned forearms appeared from out of the rolled up sleeves. Oh well, I had never cared what guys thought of me before, why should I start caring now that I was meant to be one? I looked away from the strange looking form in the mirror as I heard the door to the office open.

Another man walked in, wearing bad clothes, and a huge wad of sun block on his nose. I frowned at him.

"What the hell is on your face?" I asked him, too shocked to try and deepen my voice. Much to my surprise, he laughed.

"You must be Hayden. I'm Mr. Pendanski, your counsellor, here to help you become a functioning member of society. If you follow me, I'll take you to your new home" he grinned and waved his hand in a friendly way. I glared back, unable to take my eyes off his nose.

"Yeah, righto" I muttered, and followed him out the open door, into the stifling heat outside of the office. Thank god for air-conditioning.

There were six tents all with their own letter. 'F' Mr. Pendanski told me, was for counsellors only, and completely off limits to me and all the other boys. 'D' was where I would be spending the next three years. There were four boys in the tent when Pendanski threw open the flap and revealed a large number of beds and not a whole lot of anything else.

"Rex, Theodore, Hose, Zero meet your new tent mate Hayden" Pendanski told them, a huge smile plastered over his face.

"Mom, let me make the introductions" the guy Rex said, looking me up and down with slight interest, "I'm X-ray, that's Armpit, Magnet and Zero". I gave a nod of acknowledgment, a slight frown on my face which was thankfully mostly covered by my cap.

Maybe it was because I was used to the super tough gang crims, who all had tattoos by the time they were twelve and smoke ten packs a day but none of these guys really looked like what I had been expecting. Maybe X-ray was believable, but that little one on the bed, Zero, I couldn't believe that.

"Yes, the boys all have little nicknames for themselves, but I prefer to call them by the names that-"

"Society will recognise. We know Mom" grinned one of the two boys who had just come over from wherever all the boys had been before they came here. Whatever they were doing, both the boys were covered in dirt. The one who spoke was the a bit taller than me with brown hair and a doo rag. I pulled my cap down a little lower on my head, to try and cover my smirk. Where did this kid think he was, Compton? He looked at me and the grin disappeared.

"Who's this?" he asked, looking at X-Ray.

"His name's Hayden" Pendanski answered before X-Ray got the chance. That 'his' sounded so strange. I reckoned it was going to take awhile to get used to it.

"This is Squid. And Zigzag" X-Ray said, pointing to the talking boy and then to another who I hadn't looked at until then. I had to say, if I was the type of girl to catch my breath, I would have done it when I saw that guy. He was extremely tall and he had some of the best hair I had ever seen. It was like this giant ball of fuzz on top of his head. I stared at it for a few seconds, raising my cap up so I could see it better. I was dead jealous. I wanted interesting hair, or at least interesting something. All round I was pretty boring.

"Hey" I said, making my voice as low as I could. As far as I could tell, I just sounded mental, but none of the guys seemed to notice.

"Sup" said the Squid guy, and I resisted the urge to pull a face. He was officially the biggest loser I had ever met.

"Hey.." said Zigzag slowly, looking me up and down with a frown. Oh shit, he knew, I knew he knew. It was the hair. I should have just let Mr. Sir cut it off. This was a freakin' disaster. Now I would have to go home and I had only just gotten here. I coughed awkwardly, waiting for him to say something. But he didn't. Instead he looked at Pendanski, who gave an approving nod.

"Well, try to make Hayden feel at home boys" then he left the tent. As soon as he was gone Zigzag glared at me.

"You're working for _them_ aren't you?" he said, looking around as though expecting to see something. I choked on air I was so shocked and then I gave a chuckle. I was actually worried that he knew? I was getting paranoid.

"Man, I didn't know they had drugs in this place. Where do you get them?" I snorted, and Magnet laughed.

"Ziggy's always like that" Squid said sitting down on one of the beds, "he has acute paranoia". He sounded out the word real slow, like he was reading it off a sheet or something. I groaned and sat down on the only bed that was still empty. This ought to be interesting.

...

**Haha, acute paranoia. No idea why that makes me laugh, but it does.**

**So, I'm probably, like, not gonna update this for a while, cause other than someone finding out that she's a chick, which was obviously gonna happen, I don't really know where to go with this...**

**whereas I have like, a tonne of ideas for PI right now so I'm just gonna go with htme and leave this for a while.**

**Thanks for reading and thanks to my reviewers!**

**I just looove reviews, hint hint...**

**LOL**

**Oh and Stanley won't be in this, sorry people who love him, but hayden's kind of there instead of him you know.**

**peace owt hehe**

**xx**

**Bee**


	3. The boys are back in town

"Hayden, c'mere boy. Take a seat" Zigzag called, him and Squid shuffling over on the table to make room. I took my tray of food over there and sat down in between them. Apparently Zigzag had gotten over whatever psycho trip he was on the night before, because he seemed happy to talk to me.

"How'd you get so skinny dog?" Armpit asked, completely out of the blue and I grinned.

"Why, you want some tips Pit?" X-Ray asked him, "Cause you should start by not eatin, here let me take that for you". He grabbed Armpit's tray of food and took a large spoonful of it before Armpit snatched it back.

"Man, don't go eating my food. I need it to help me build muscle" he said, patting his stomach proudly.

"Muscle? Is that what you call it?" Zigzag snickered and the other boys joined in.

"Man, don't hate me cause you ain't me" Armpit said, brushing his left shoulder with his right hand. Everyone groaned and I shook my head with a small grin.

"So what're you in for?" Squid asked, turning to me. I shrugged.

"I stole this guy's car... After I killed him" I said nonchalantly as though I did that sort of thing every day.

"What'd he do to you?" asked Squid in an awed voice. That was a bit of a difficult question.

"He was cheating on... My sister" I said, with another shrug, "it pissed me off".

"Damn boy, remind me not to do anything to you" Squid said with a low whistle.

"What, you scared Squiddy?" X-Ray mocked, pinching his cheek.

"How'd you do it?" Zigzag asked, his eyes lit up in anticipation. I leaned back slightly away from him, with one of my eyebrows raised.

"Don't worry about Zig. He likes that kinda thing" Magnet explained with a grin.

"What the death thing?" I muttered, shoving another spoonful of mush into my mouth. I had to admit, it didn't taste that bad. But then, after spending the last few months with practically nothing, anything tasted good.

"What about this one?" I asked, deciding to change the subject. I nodded my head in Zero's direction, "Ya don't talk much do you?"

"Nah dog" Armpit said through a mouthful of food, "Zero never talks"

"Mom says it's cause he got nothing goin' on in his head" Magnet said

"Zero brain cells, that's what it is" added Squid.

"I like his hair" I shrugged, taking my last mouthful of food and scraping the dregs off the plate. It was true; the kid did have nice hair.

"He used it to hide stuff in when he was stealin' things" Armpit said.

"He did not. You can't hide stuff in hair" Squid said waving his spoon around in front of his face.

"You can in that hair" Magnet grinned, "He hides dirt in there too. It's how he digs so fast".

"No. He wouldn't dig no faster if he was hidin' dirt in his hair. He'd just have less dirt around the hole" Zigzag said with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Nah, it's like I said; he eats the dirt" Squid argued.

"Y'all know he can hear you right?" I asked, looking at them doubtfully.

"He don't mind, do you Z?" X-Ray smirked, patting Zero on the cheek. Zero ignored him.

Well this was wonderful. So far we had one boy who wouldn't shut up (Squid), one who wouldn't talk (Zero), one who said half his sentences in another language (Magnet) and another who couldn't have a conversation without using the word 'dog' at least five times (Armpit). This really ought to be interesting.

...

**Sorry I took such a long time to update! I would hate me if I was you guys. i just had lots of ideas for Poison Ivy. But now I've run out of ideas, I'm going to write more for this one.**

**I'm so annoyed with myself. I hadn't seen the movie in ages, and I had read heaps of stories about Zigzag right and in all of them he's completely insane so I was like okay I'll make him like that. But then I watched the movie yesterday and he's not actually that crazy really... So he's going to get less insane from now on lol.**

**Also this seems like a bit of a stupid chapter because nothing important really happens, but it was just meant to be like her getting used to all the boys, you know. I thought it was pretty believable, but then i did just watch the movie, so i probably stle half the stuff in this chapter from there without even realising it. I now I stole the first line because he just looked so hot when I said it I couldn't help it ;P**

**I'll update soon this time, I promise, but sorry, there won't be any romance for a while, cos like he thinks she's a guy and he's not gay haha. And I want them to be friends before they become anything else hehe.**

**cheers**

**xoxo**

**bee**


	4. Play your cards right

I took my cap off and tugged on my hair. It was completely full of dirt which was making it look a rather disgusting greyish brown colour. When I shook it, clouds of dust billowed out around it. I shrugged; I had had worse hair days. It was my hands that were the real problem. They were covered in raw, red blisters, that were bleeding everywhere. It was a pretty disgusting sight.

I put my token in and turned on the shower. The cold water was surprisingly refreshing. I scrubbed my hair thoroughly, removing all trace of the dirt. Then I dried it quickly with my towel and pulled on some clothes and my cap. The boys were in the wreck room when I walked in. X-Ray, Magnet and Zigzag sat at a table with two other boys . They all had cards and what looked like shower tokens on the table. I raised my eyebrows; were they doing what I thought they were doing? X-Ray looked up when I came in.

"Hey yo new guy" he called, beckoning me over, "How 'bout a game"? I grinned. As much as I wanted to say yes, I wasn't stupid enough to play poker with them. If I won, which I almost definitely would, they would hate me more than they already did for being new, and if I lost they would hate me for being a loser. It seemed like a lose-lose situation to me.

"Nah, I'm right" I said, starting to walk over to another table where Squid and Magnet were sitting. Hey seemed like a much safer option than these three to me.

"Come on boy. Unless you're scared you'll lose". That was the least subtle attempt to get me to do something I had ever heard. I always was too competitive though. I pulled out the nearest chair and sat down.

"Alright I'm in" I said, looking round at each of the others sitting at the table. Besides X-Ray, Armpit and Zigzag, there was a boy with bright red hair and dark brown skin, and a boy with long greasy hair that it looked like he hadn't washed in at least a month. He was dealing.

When he had dealt five to everyone I picked up my hand and looked at it. This was going to be too easy.

"Three" X said, chucking three tokens into the middle.

"Dog, why you gotta be so cold for? I fold" Armpit said, looking warily at his small pile of tokens and then dropping his cards face down on the table.

Zigzag didn't say anything as he flicked three tokens next to X-Ray's. He was smiling. He had a really nice smile. Wait, did I really just think that? Oh my god, I was so not just checking out Zigzag. Bloody mental patient, he was. I shook my head slightly to clear it and added three tokens to the pile.

"I fold" said the dealer, throwing his cards angrily onto the table.

"I'll raise you one" he grinned, putting four tokens into the middle. This thing was growing pretty fast.

"I'll call" X muttered, adding his third to last token. Me and Zigzag both did the same. I put down two cards, watching as the others put their cards down as well. I picked up my new cards and stopped myself from smiling. I had this game, I knew I had it. Zigzag was eyeing me suspiciously, and I looked back blankly; I wasn't giving anything away, he could bet all his tokens and then he would see what I got.

"Two" said Zigzag. He only had three left after that. X-ray grumbled something under his breath and dropped his cards face down on the table as well.

"I'll call" said the boy with the red hair. One look at his face told me he hadn't gotten what he wanted in that last deal. So this was just between me and Zigzag now.

"I'll raise you one" I said, not letting any emotion show on my face.

"Damn, I fold" said the red haired boy.

"I'll call and see you" Zigzag said, looking down nervously at the one token that still sat in front of him. I smirked and dropped my full house on the table. Zigzag swore loudly and put down three of a kind.

"New boy's got game" muttered Armpit a little sourly as I grabbed the shower tokens off the table shoved them in my pockets.

"Cheers boys, I'm off now" I muttered, jumping up quickly before anyone could try and take any of their tokens back. I won them fair and square, I wasn't about to give them up.

"Chill boy" Zigzag grinned, "Pit ain't gonna eat you if that's what you're runnin' for".

Armpit shrugged. "Nah, you're too bony anyway man. Otherwise..." he trailed off and smacked his lips together. The other boys laughed. I grinned and sat back down, deciding that no one was planning on stealing anything off me.

"Come on boys, let's go to dinner" X-Ray said, standing up and waiting for the rest of us to follow him before he walked to the mess hall. Dinner tonight consisted of, well, exactly the same thing that we had last night. Whatever that was. The only difference between tonight and last night was that my hands hurt when I held the fork.

"Don't worry man" Magnet said consolingly when I sat down next to him, "first hole's the hardest".

"Nah, second holes the hardest" Squid disagreed. I scowled. Hopefully he was wrong.

"I'm with squid" X-Ray said, "You're still tired after the first hole for the second hole".

"Okay man, I get it, holes are hard" I muttered, unthinkingly and then I looked up quickly to see their reactions when I realised that if I was them, that comment would kind of piss me off. I wasn't scared because I didn't think I could take these guys, I wasn't sure about Armpit, or X-ray, but the others would be no problem. But I had to spend the next two years with these guys, and that would be a hell of a lot easier if they didn't hate me. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until X laughed and I let it out. I shovelled food into my mouth after that, mostly because I didn't want to say something else that might upset them, but also because I was so tired from digging that day that I couldn't think of anything except sleeping.

As soon as I was done I ambled back to the tent and jumped into bed, and before I knew it I was asleep. I didn't usual dream, but on that night I did. They were nothing special. They were all about nice, long, hot showers and real food.

...

**Yay, I have an idea for the next chapter! it should be funny, but if it's not, don't hate me : )**

**xx**

**Bee**


	5. You're so gay

I finished my hole a long time after the boys. That wasn't much of a surprise. After all, I was a girl who had no muscle on her. It would have been a little worrying if any of the boys were finishing after me. I trudged warily back to camp. I definitely agreed with Squid and X-Ray when they said that the second hole was the hardest. Every part of my body hurt. It felt like I had just lost a fight badly, only this fight was with dirt and a shovel.

I arrived in the tent to find it almost completely empty except for Zigzag, who was sitting boredly on his bed.

"Hey man" I muttered, walking slowly past his bed, "What're you doin'? I added curiously.

He looked back, "Nothing, just thinking about stuff" he said and then he froze looking down next to my foot. I raised an eyebrow and looked down. And that was when I saw it. The little black scorpion scuttling across the floor towards my foot. I let oout a high pitched scream at the same time as Zigzag let out a low yell, and I jumped swiftly onto his bed. The scorpion crawled over next to the bed, which both Zigzag and I were jumping up and down on by then. I screamed a bit more, looking as it began to try and climb up the leg of the bed.

"Oh my god, kill it" I screamed, entirely forgetting to lower my voice.

"What?! Why don't you?" he yelled back, pushing me in front of him.

"Just do it" I screeched, pulling on his shirt to try and get him closer to the edge that the scorpion was on; if that thing was gonna get someone, it wasn't going to be me.

"I'm not touching it" he said, both of us were still yelling and jumping, only now we were more clutching onto each other, than pushing each other away.

"Neither am I"

"Do something"

"You're the guy!"

"So are- wait _what_?" we both stopped jumping, seeming to forget entirely about the scorpion. I coughed awkwardly.

"I meant, um, older guy. I just meant that you're older than me so you should kill the scorpion. Go, now, do it!" That was bad lying, even by my standards, and I had never been a good liar.

"Yeah, I'm older and I'm telling you to do it" With that he shoved me closer to the edge of the bed and I wobbled dangerously, grabbing onto him to stop myself falling. Only it turned out that he wasn't balanced quite as well as I thought he was. So instead of me not falling on the scorpion, we both toppled off the bed and Zigzag fell right on top of me. I screeched as I landed, feeling the air get knocked out of me by Zigzags body. And then I looked up, and saw just how close his face was. And he was looking back. We stayed like that for a few seconds and then my eyes started to wander down towards his lips and he seemed to snap out of it.

"Woah" he yelped, getting off of me, and looking around uncomfortably "Where's that, um, um, scorpion thing"? I got up too, shaking my head to clear it.

"I dunno" I muttered, remembering to deepen my voice again. Had I really been about to kiss Zig? "I'm gonna, um, go, do... that thing" I muttered, practically sprinting out of the tent. I sat outside behind the tent for a few minutes, trying to clear my head and then I went to the wreck room, where all the other boys- including Zigzag- were playing pool. He gave me a strange look when I came in, but went back to the game without saying anything. I sighed in relief and looked over to where Zero was sitting alone on a couch. I wondered why that kid never talked. Did he have no tongue or something? I shrugged to myself; it would be easy to find out.

I walked over. "Why don't you talk little man?" I asked. He just looked back at me blankly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Do you even speak English? Maybe you speak like, German or something..." I took another look at the kid. Okay, maybe not German. He rolled his eyes at me and I grinned.

"Do you laugh?" I asked curiously. He didn't answer.

"Okay... So you're not gonna help me. Maybe I should just tell you jokes or something, until you laugh" I tried hopefully but he didn't respond, "Seriously, you don't want me to do that, my jokes are horrible".

No answer. I sighed and rested my chin on my hand staring at him.

"All good then man. If you don't wanna talk to me, I'll go" I said standing up, "But trust me, by next week I will have gotten you to talk to me. I'll even give you five shower tokens if I can't". That was something I was perfectly willing to give away, since after last night, I had them in excess. But Zero didn't need to know that. He just looked back at me without saying anything. It was a competition now. Whatever, I could beat this kid, I knew I could.

...

It was just before bed time, and all the boys were in the tent. I came back from the shower drying my hair quickly and pulling it up under my cap before walking into the tent. Squid and Magnet were both sitting on Magnet's bed, talking to X who was lying on his bed. Armpit was sprawled on the floor, apparently too tired to make it too his actual bed. Zero was, as usual, lying completely still in the shadows of the wall of the tent, not talking to anyone. Zigzag was leaning on one of the sides, next to Magnets bed, joining in with whatever they were talking about. He turned around and gave me another strange look when I came in.

It was around then when I noticed that half the boys in the room seemed to be missing their shirts. The idea that some of the guys would walk around topless when they were with other guys hadn't even occurred to me. But of course they did. But that wasn't a problem. I had seen guys without their shirts on before. Just not Zigzag, and I felt my eyes being drawn downwards. Then I realised what I was doing, and I looked away quickly. When I looked back up to his face, he was staring at me with a reasonably horrified look on his face. I wanted to hit myself. He saw. This wasn't good. He didn't say anything though. Instead he walked over to his bed, and still eyeing me warily, slipped a shirt over his head.

"Hey Wizard" X-ray called, and I looked up. Who was he talking to? He was looking at me, but that would mean... Oh.

"Yeah...?" I said slowly, in case I was wrong and it wasn't me. I didn't get it if it was me.

"Why are you always wearin' that hat for?" he asked. I had never even thought about it, but of course it was weird to walk around wearing a cap right before you go to bed. maybe that was what the name was; because I was always wearin the hat, like wizrads wear hats. Or maybe X was insane. This ought to be an interesting conversation.

"I, um-"

"Do you have cancer or something man?" Magnet asked, with an understanding look on his face.

"Dog, my uncle got that. He died" Armpit chimed in from his spot on the floor.

"Are you gonna die Wiz?" asked Squid with his eyes wide.

"What? No!" I said, forgetting about my voice again, "No, I just don't like my hair". It was more believable than anything else I could come up with.

"Why don't you dye it then?" asked Magnet, looking at me like I was insane.

"Because I'm allergic to hair dye" I lied again, hoping they were going to stop soon. I walked over to my bed and lay down, propping my head up on one arm.

"Yeah man, my ex-girlfriend had that" Squid joined in, "She dyed her hair blonde and her head swelled up real funny".

"Man, you ain't never had a girlfriend in your life" Zigzag was evidently over his disgust at the gay boy who was in his tent, because he had decided to join in the conversation.

"Yes I did. Her name was Sandra"

"What was her last name then?"

"Um... Dee"?

Every laughed loudly and I joined in, mostly happy that the heat was off me, and onto Squid and his imaginary girlfriend called Sandra Dee. The boy really needed to work on his originality. Even I could have done better. I rolled over and feel asleep, feeling better than I had in a long time. Maybe being here would be good for me. As long as I could stop staring at Zig, everything would be fine.

...

**Wizard aye??**

**hehe, if you don't like it, sorry but I wanted one that they'll have to change when they find out that she's a girl and I was gonna go with something to do with her weight, but that's not exactly gender specific.**

**that way she gets to be witch LOL!**

**Please review?? There's only five right now, and I'd love you for it. Forever and ever.**

**By the way, if any of you don't like the way some of the characters are acting, and you think they're like saying stuff that they wouldn't, then can you tell me? Cause I want to know, honestly. Like critism is actually not unwelcome. I'm not gonna ask for it but... if you have a problem then _tell me. _**

**thanks for reading (and reviewing, because I know you will ;P)**

**xx**

**Bee**


	6. you got a friend in me

**So. I gues this is usually the part where I say oh my gosh, I am sooooooo sorry x 50 billion for not updating in almost literally forever. there's no excuse, I'm just a bitch. My bad. I hope this is good and all i can tell you guys is that I'm actually finally starting to like the idea of this story so I'm gonna keep going, but you all know what will make the next chapter come faster: REVIEWS! I've deicded I want... 10. for this chapter. and since like 100 people (literally) have read this, that shouldn't be to hard. Cheers guys! On with the story now:**

***

Why is it that every time my life finally starts to go right, something happens to make everything bad again? I woke up on the first morning of my second week feeling extremely good about myself. Until I felt the strange, slightly damp feeling between my legs. After all those days of thinking like a boy, the sudden change to being a definite girl shocked me into action more than anything else. I was out of bed and outside the warden's cabin before I even know what I was doing. It wasn't until I banged in the door and heard a loud crashing, followed by a string of curses that I actually reconsidered this idea. Did she even know who I was? What if she thought I was some crazy boy running round screaming about periods and the like? And when I tried to convince her that I was a girl, she would just shoot me. But then, she hadn't shot Ziggy yet, and he was completely insane, so maybe I was in with a shot. I only needed long enough to explain that I really was a girl and not just some delusional boy.

"What in the- Oh. It's you" her voice became slightly warmer when she saw that it was me standing at the door to her cabin, and I felt my vastly accelerated heart rate slow ever so slightly.

"Mornin' ma'am" I said, trying to sound as charming and non-imposing as was humanly possible for someone like me to sound.

"What'd you want Wizard?" she asked, rubbing her eyes slightly resignedly. Well she might not be happy about getting up, but at least there were no bullet holes in me... Yet.

I explained my problem, and she ushered me in almost sympathetically, shutting the door behind me. I got more than I had expected when I went over there though. Somehow, she managed to launch into a full blown lecture on how she was there if I needed her. How she understood how it must be difficult to act like a boy all the time, but that it was necessary for my own safety (yeah right) and if I ever needed a break then I should simply do something bad that would get me sent to her. She said that I wasn't just to come walking over though, as 'that might arouse suspicion'. I tried not to laugh at the fact that the warden was telling me to break the rules. But I wasn't complaining. If it meant time away from X and the Juvy version of the Backstreet boys, then I was down for that. Plus, if I ever got caught doing anything really bad, it made it easy to lie.

She ended the conversation by telling me how 'charming' it was to have another girl finally, and sent me off with a small wave. I was shocked. After all I'd heard about the Warden in my fist week, this lovely, if slightly overzealous woman was far from what I had expected. I decided she must like me, which would explain the offer of extra shower tokens. I didn't take her up on the offer though, thinking it unwise in my first few weeks to have a privilege that the others didn't have. That seemed like a sure fire way to make them hate me. And that was definitely bad, because despite all the teasing and play fights, they did seem to be warming up to me. All except Zero. I realised on my way back to the tent that this was the last day of our bet and there was no way I was going to lose.

Zero was just waking up when I got back, while all the others slept soundly, Armpit snoring louder than anyone else I had ever heard. Zero looked at me funny, but –shockingly- didn't say anything. I smiled at him and he ignored me and climbed out of bed.

"Mornin' little dude" I smiled even bigger. Nothing.

"Are you gonna talk to me?" still nothing.

"Great. I just love one way conversations anyway" I sighed, turning away from him to pull on my work jumpsuit. The whole getting changed in front of a bunch of guys thing hadn't turned out to be as hard as I thought it would, but then again, that was mostly because I woke up before all of them. Otherwise I'm pretty sure X, Squid and Magnet at least would have worked out that I was a girl by now. Some of the things they said when they were talking about girls made me almost want to blush, which was an extremely rare thing. I never knew guys went into such detail when they were talking about sex. It was pretty disgusting. But then, I shouldn't really expect them to be gentlemen since we were at a 'correctional facility for juvenile delinquents'. But a little bit of decorum would have been nice.

Suddenly from behind me, much to my surprise, I heard a voice. For one second I thought it belonged to Zero and I was about to give a triumphant yelp when I recognised the voice. It wasn't the little man at all, it was in fact Zigzag, who was lying on his bed with both his eyes open, looking at me.

"Why do you always wear that bandage?" he asked, swinging his legs around to sit up and raise an eyebrow at me. I hadn't realised that anyone other than Zero was awake, and I had assumed that even if he did notice anything wrong he was too quite to say anything anyway. Zig however was a different matter, because he talked a hell of a lot and if I didn't come up with a pretty good excuse fast I was completely screwed. I wasn't sure that 'what bandage?' which was the first thing that had popped into my head, was quite going to cut it. I'd be better off telling him that I wore it so no one would notice that my jumpsuit fit a bit differently to everyone else's because I was a girl.

"I, um, I have a..." I fumbled, looking blankly at him, "a broken rib". What? I wanted to slap myself that was how bad that excuse was. I just winced instead, and waited for him to say something. He looked at me with a slightly curious, uncertain and almost disconcerted expression. He didn't say anything for about ten seconds, then he stood up without a word and walked from the room. I sighed in relief, although I was unsure whether this was a good sign or a bad sign. On one hand he probably thought I was completely crazy now. On the other hand, at least this particular awkward moment didn't make me look gay, which was something I supposed I should be grateful for.

After that long day of digging, I returned back to camp dirt covered and tired. I hadn't gotten any stronger or better at digging after this first week and now I had blisters on my hands which only made digging worse. I still didn't quite understand how someone as little as Zero could be such a good digger, but I was starting to think maybe that had something to do with why he didn't talk. Like maybe he ate the dirt and then his mouth was so full of it that he couldn't open it to say anything to anyone. That or he was just a hell of a lot stronger than me, which seemed like a more plausible option. The others all finished a long time before me too, and X-Ray seemed to enjoy staying around for a while to watch me trying and failing to dig the way they all did. Clearly he got some seriously cheap thrills from it.

I passed him and Armpit on my way to the tent to get my clean – if you could call it that- jumpsuit, and he snickered when he saw me. I rolled my eyes and ignored them, looking down at the ground and simultaneously walking straight into someone. I grunted as I went sprawling on the ground and I heard someone make an angry growling sort of noise. I rubbed my eyes and looked up to see the biggest guy I had ever seen glaring down at me.

"Watch where you're goin' boy" he growled, and I climbed to my feet, brushing myself off.

"My bad" I muttered quietly, wanting to avoid a fight with this boy at all costs. He was enormous and I was anorexic looking so starting something with him was clearly not a good idea.

"Damn right" he replied, still glaring at me as he walked past and purposely hit my shoulder with his. "Fag" he added under his breath, and I felt a sudden anger bubble up inside me. It wasn't really because he had said that. It was more because he thought that me being gay would have made me any worse.

"What'd you call me?" I spat, turning around to look at him, and there was a low murmuring noise from the boys who could see us.

"I called you a _fag_. Is there a problem with that?" he answered coolly, eyeing me as though he was about to pounce on me any second. I glared back at him.

"Only 'cause I think you're being a bit of a hypocrite" I told him in my calmest voice and he practically growled at me. As much as I was enjoying winding him up, I knew the fun stage was about to end quite abruptly. Most probably when he punched me in the jaw.

"Do you wanna start something bitch?" he asked, moving closer to me and shoving me. I gave an instinctive growl-like sort of noise and pushed him back. Nothing happened for about two seconds, as I watched the giant getting ready to kill me. The circle that had formed around us had started to chant now; fight, fight, fight. I winced slightly, as I prepared myself for the absolute beating I was about to get. Then his fist connected with my jaw and my head practically spun right around on my neck. His fists hit me again and again, until I was so sore I couldn't stand, and no matter how hard I tried to fight back, nothing I did made him stop hitting me.

When I fell to the ground, he climbed on top of me and began to punch me in the stomach so hard that I felt myself begin to dry wretch. Then suddenly, he stopped and I opened one eye uncertainly to see what had happened to him. The sight that met my eyes was a welcome one, if a surprising thing to see. X and Squid were standing over me, looking a little dubious and behind them, Magnet, Armpit and Zigzag were holding onto an angry looking giant guy, who they were trying to calm down.

"Y'alright Wiz?" X asked, reaching a hand down to help me up. I opened my other eye and pressed lightly up and down my body to check for broken bones. There was definitely something wrong with my neck and I thought one of my arms might have something wrong with it, but other than that I was surprisingly alright.

"Yup" I muttered, grabbing his extended hand and pulling myself to my feet. My stomach hurt and my eye was definitely swelling up fast, but it was nothing worse than things I had felt before. In fact, today was nice compared to what I usually got out of fights with. X clapped me on the shoulder in what I guessed was meant to be a consoling gesture. Really though it just kind of hurt.

Off in the distance by the tents I could see a little figure standing watching us, and it took me a few moments to realise that it was Zero. As his face came into view I saw some nervousness, and when he saw my face properly, he grimaced, before turning and walking back into our tent. I frowned, but it hurt my eye, so I stopped and wondered to myself instead what exactly that had been about. Did he care, or was that just Zero being weird? It wouldn't surprise me. That kid sure was strange.

When I woke up the next morning, my eye wasn't swelled shut, but it sure hurt like hell. My stomach was purple from bruising and my arm wouldn't move properly either, but I was alive which I suppose was something to be grateful for. Zero was sitting there staring at me once more when I stood up stiffly.

"Hey man" I said croakily, nodding to him with a slight wince as I heard my neck crack loudly. He looked back, with his usual weird calculating expression and then did the last thing I had ever expected.

"You alright?" he asked, in this little, nice, caring voice. I stood open mouthed, staring at him. I didn't know what to say.

"Um... ye- yeah sure, it's all good" I replied, shaking my head slightly and then grimacing and putting a hand up to my neck.

"Can you dig?" he asked, as though there was nothing weird at all about him talking.

"Yeah sure kid. I'll live. It's just a black eye, and a sore neck and a screwed up arm and a bruised stomach" I said, then grinned at my list. "Nothing to call the ambulance about". He looked at me and didn't answer.

"I know" he said finally, and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I bet you do. I just told you?" I chuckled, fixing my cap so my hair was properly hidden.

"No, Wizard, I _know_" he said, looking down a little awkwardly.

"You kn- oh _Shit_!" I half yelped, then dropped my voice to an urgent whisper. "How, how do you know? Is it my voice, what? Do the other know? Am I gonna get kicked out? Oh dammit, Zero don't tell anyone, _please_"? He looked at me, slightly taken aback.

"Wow, I'm not gonna tell anyone" he whispered hastily, holding up both hands innocently. "I'm the only one that knows. And I only know 'cause, well, I mean, you do talk like a girl sometimes, but the others just think you're gay" he admitted a little sheepishly. "It's 'cause, well this one time... I woke up and you were sort of getting dressed and... " he trailed of awkwardly and my jaw dropped.

"No joke? That's sick kid!" I yelped, wrapping my good arm protectively around my chest. "Oh god" I pulled a face and then glared at him. "And here I was thinking you were the nice one!"

"No, wait, oh, god, it wasn't like that or anything" he told me, "I looked away as soon as I realised. But at the time I thought you were a guy so I didn't know that it mattered that you had your shirt off". I screwed up my nose, but lowered my arm cautiously. I guess it was better that it was Zero than someone who would actually want to look.

"Yeah whatever" I muttered, "Just don't tell anyone okay"?

"I won't"

"You swear?"

"Pinky swear" he replied, holding up one hand with his pinky finger outstretched. I eyed him a little uncertainly, and then took his finger with a small smile.

"You better not screw me over kid" I told him earnestly and he looked back with a small grin of his own.

"Course not, Wiz. You and me we're kind of friends right?" he asked doubtfully and I smirked.

"that's kind of pushing it seeing as how the first time you talked to me was to tell me that you checked me out while I was naked" I chuckled.

"No! I swear-"

"Chill kiddo, it was a joke. I know you didn't okay? Now can we go grab some food, I'm starving?" he nodded and we walked from the tent together.

I grinned contentedly. Sure I looked like a train wreck and I had to spend the next two years pretending to be a boy, but hey I had a friend now. It seemed to me like things were finally about to start going right.


	7. Scream

**Sorry. I'd do better with the apology, but I'm tired and I need to go and get ready to go out. On the plus side, if anyone's still reading this, I've update finally. Which is good right? So sorry for being a bitch and taking a year (almost literally) but I'll let you get on with the story and finish my rambling at the end of the chapter.**

"That's my TV" said the voice from behind me monotonously. I turned around to look at Zigzag who was staring at me disconcertingly.

"Oh" I answered, blankly, staring straight back at him. "That's nice". I turned back to the screen and watched it crackle a bit more. That was honestly how boring life at this camp was. I had resorted to watching a broken TV. He didn't move. I could tell because his shadow was falling right over the screen of the TV and making it impossible to distinguish any fuzzy shapes in the box. Not that there were any anyway, but this gave me a reason to be mad at him.

"Either sit down or move" I told him without turning around.

"That's my TV" he repeated in the same dull tone, still not moving an inch.

"Well then why don't you shut up and watch it" I replied sarcastically and I felt his glare boring into the back of my head.

"Maybe I will" he answered lamely and sat down as far away from me as he could get. Which wasn't all that far away actually, since the couch wasn't very big. We sat in silence for a few minutes, until Zig yawned loudly. It wasn't until I felt his arm brush my shoulder that I realised what had just happened. I stiffened and looked back out of the corner of my eye to where Zigzag's arm was draped along the back of the couch, right around my shoulders. He seemed to realise a few seconds later what he had just done and his eyes went wide in what looked like horror. His gaze flicked between my expression and his arm, before he seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had been in and snatched his arm back sliding even further away from me looking disgusted with himself. He opened his mouth, shut it again and then looked back at the screen grimly.

I frowned but didn't say anything, edging away from him as well. I had all my attention focused on the screen to try and get any thought of Zigzag out of my head. It wasn't working too well, but at least I was trying. The real problem came though when, oblivious to all noises because my mind was focused on anything other than where I was right then, I didn't hear the footsteps creeping up behind me.

When hands grabbed at my shoulders and a loud yell came from behind me, I let out a high pitched scream and hurtled across the couch to cling onto Zigzag, until I saw the 'attacker' was only Squid, who was laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor. I was about to yell at him, when suddenly I found myself sprawled on the floor. I looked up dazedly and saw Zigzag looking at me revoltedly.

"Jesus christ" he shook his head, his voice sounding nearly hysterical, "why do you always have to be touching me and shit?". He stood up and half backed, half ran out of the room, looking around at everyone to make sure no one had seen what had just happened. I sat up and blinked a few times, rubbing my stomach, which had smacked into the floor particularly hard on one of the bruises. I winced and stood up, sitting down on the couch a little dazedly. Squid stared at me uncertainly.

"What was that about?" he asked, looking towards the door through which Zigzag had just escaped. I shrugged, looking down at the floor awkwardly. On some weird, psychopathic level I kind of felt bad for Zig. I mean, it couldn't be easy thinking that you had some crazy gay stalker, who screamed like a girl when they saw a bug. On the other hand though, he hadn't exactly been nice about my assumed sexuality. If I really had been gay, then I probably would have been pretty offended by his irrational hatred of me. As it was, I was just mad that he had pushed me onto the floor, because now my arm and my stomach hurt.

"Shit son, you don't half scream like a girl sometimes" X-Ray chuckled, coming over and sitting down next to me on the couch with a smirk.

"You sound like one of those chicks off Scream" Squid added, laughing once more. I looked at him unsettlingly.

"Well you sound like a hillbilly when you talk Squid, so maybe you should shut up" I told him in my specially deep voice, with a small grin, pulling my cap lower over my face and leaning back to close my eyes.

"Screw you Wizard" I heard Squid say before I drifted into a light nap, my mind lost in the realms of unconscious thought.

I didn't wake until dinner when Zero flicking me on the cheek brought me back with a start. I sat up and instinctively fixed my cap. By now, I was so tired that it took all my energy just to get to the table and chomp my way through the mush they put on my plate that night, before traipsing off to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light and I had by far the soundest sleep so far at Camp Green Lake. The best part of sleeping though, was that I didn't have to worry about Zigzag who was lying in the bed next to mine, probably dreaming about being chased around the lake by a bunch of boys who were in love with him. What I really didn't get though, was why it bothered him so much when I jumped on him by accident. As it turned out though, I was about to find out. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't the only one who was about to find something out.

...

Zigzag spent all of the next week ignoring me. If I was somewhere, it was a sure bet that he wouldn't be. The only time I saw him at all was when I was going to bed and on occasion when I was waking up. For some reason, this bothered me a little unduly. I hadn't realised how interesting Zigzag was until he wasn't around anymore. It wasn't as though I liked him or anything, I must just be suffering crazy boy withdrawal symptoms or something. He didn't seem to be missing me, because whenever he saw me, his eyes went wide and he would walk off in the other direction. At first it had been funny. Now it was annoying.

He didn't really have much choice in the matter though, when we are all forced to attend what was my first counselling session of the month. It was a pretty morbid affair all in all. Everyone sat around, glaring at stuff, and trying not to remember what they were doing here. In short, it was pretty much the worst attempt at working shit out that I've ever seen.

"So boys," Pendanski asked as we all sat around twiddling our thumbs, while Magnet chucked little balls of paper at Squid's head, "Tonight I think we should talk about feelings."

There were snickers around the circle. "I thought this weren't no girl scout camp Mom," Squid interrupted, swatting away one of Magnet's paper balls.

"I don't understand why you boys think feelings are a feminine thing. It's perfectly alright for men to talk about their feelings."

"No it ain't," X-Ray snorted, "Not real men."

"Yes real men, Rex. Real men talk about feelings," Pendanski told him knowingly. "Girls like men who are emotionally attached."

More snorts. "Like you know what girls like Mom," Magnet chuckled.

"As a matter of fact Jose, I happen to have a girlfriend," even I couldn't hold back the snort this time.

"Oh yeah?" Armpit looked pretty dubious too. "What's her name?"

Pendanski didn't say anything for a couple of seconds, and Zigzag got in first. "Rattlesnake maybe?"

There was raucous laughter from everyone in the room minus Pendanski.

"Scorpion," X added, wiping his glasses off as he laughed.

"Yellow spotted lizard," Squid chucked in for good measure, as the laughter died down a little.

"Very funny boys. Glad to see your criminal records haven't dampened your sprits at all," Pendanski scowled at everyone in turn, me included, even though I'd hardly done anything. There was a moment of silence.

"That was cold Mom," I said finally, pulling my cap down a little harder on my head because for some reason I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"If you lot don't mind, I'd like to get back on topic now," he kept on going like I hadn't said anything. "Jose, why don't you start. Tell us about your feelings right now?"

Magnet just stared at him blankly. "Um... what feelings?"

"Any feelings. You must be feeling something."

"I guess I feel..." Magnet grinned, "deprived."

"Where'd you learn that word Magnet? In illegal immigrant school?" X-ray scowled, obviously unhappy that anyone had actually agreed to take part in the feelings discussion.

"Man, I'm no illegal immigrant. You're so racist."

"I'm not racist, I'm just sayin'."

"Well don't."

"Alright boys," apparently Pendanski wasn't too keen to let the fight escalate anymore, "Both of you can stop now. Jose, tell us what you feel deprived off exactly."

"Well, I can think of a few things Mom," Magnet said, and I grimaced. I really didn't want to hear what Magnet thought he was deprived of.

"I think I know actually son," Pendanski, reached a hand over and patted magnet on the shoulder. "I think you're deprived of a healthy childhood."

Magnet raised an eyebrow. Zigzag laughed. "I don't think that's where he was goin' with that Mom."

Pendanski shook his head. "Well it should have been. Clearly, love and devotion is something that all of you boys missed out on. Maybe if your parents had paid more attention to you as young boys, you wouldn't be where you are now, ruining your life."

There was a low murmur around the circle, and from what I could tell it didn't sound too happy. I couldn't blame them. My parents were a touchy subject as well, a subject which I tended to get pretty mad about when people implied the kind of things that Pendanski was implying.

"They've steered you in the wrong direction, haven't cared for you enough and as a result, you've all become attention seeking little delinquents."

This was starting to get a bit much. My anger levels were starting to rise pretty rapidly with every word he said. Across the circle from me, I could see Squid looking fairly riled up too, and I figured I wasn't the only one about to try and kill Pendanski.

"I suppose in a way, your families are partly to blame for the way all of you are now-"

"Enough." Surprisingly, it wasn't me or Squid who cut him off. It was Zero, sitting in his seat, looking positively homicidal. "That's enough. Don't talk about my Mom like that."

There was absolute silence around the room. I wasn't sure if the tension had eased, or grown even bigger. I was more curious about what had happened to make Zero so mad, than why he had talked, but apparently I was the only who thinking like that.

"Zero man," Armpit stared at him, "Did you just talk?"

Zero didn't answer him, just stared down at the ground still looking furious.

"Well I'll be damned," Pendanski tilted his head to the side, staring at the little guy disbelievingly, "There is a brain up there somewhere."

I raised an eyebrow. Most of us who had been mad at him had completely forgotten about it when Zero spoke. Obviously though, Zero was not that shocked at his own words, and he was clearly still angry. Why exactly Pendanski thought it was a good idea to insult him was beyond me. Thankfully Zero didn't seem too worried, because he was seemingly trying to ignore everyone.

"That was amazing," Squid said, joining in the staring fest which was aimed at Zero.

"All he did was talk," I muttered, not too fussed about this conversation.

"Which is _amazing_," Squid repeated, never taking his gaze off the kid.

"No it's not," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Zero never talks," Armpit said.

"Maybe you should give that a try Magnet," X ray chuckled drily, "might make a nice change."

"Shut up man, you know you love it," Magnet was clearly over the illegal immigrant comment.

"I know I _hate _it," X snorted, turning to Pendanski. "Are we done here? Can we go?"

Pendanski nodded a little dully. "Yes, I suppose we can finish up here for the night. Go to bed. You'll need your sleep to dig extra well tomorrow."

I snorted. Great.

Back at the tent, I collapsed on my bed, and it must have been less than five minutes before I heard Armpit's snores filling the room. These boys didn't have make noise when they slept. I gave it another five, before I was pretty sure everyone was asleep, and then I sat up.

"Yo Z?" I whispered softly, not wanting to wake any of the others up. There was no answer. "Are you awake?"

I heard someone rolling over on the other side of the room where Zero, Magnet and Zigzag's beds were.

"Yeah," Zero's voice was small when he answered, sounding less certain that it had before.

"Y'alright?" I kept my voice low. "You seemed a bit... stressed out in there?"

"I'm fine," he answered. "Just didn't like what he was saying."

I nodded, then realised he couldn't see me. "Right. Me neither. But you're good now?"

"Yeah." He was silent for a bit and I figured he's gone to sleep, so I lay back down on my bed and shut my eyes. Then I heard his voice again.

"Wiz?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Not a problem kid. You should get some sleep now."

"Right." There was silence for another few seconds, and then he spoke one more time.

"Wiz?"

"Yeah?" I was half laughing as I spoke this time.

"I'm kind of glad you're a girl. It makes you less annoying than all of them."

I grinned. "Thanks... I think. Now will you go to sleep?"

"Night."

"G'night."

And finally I shut my eyes, and drifted off, into a state of much needed sleep.

**A/N: **

**So, how'd you like it? Cna i just say, this has got lots of reviews and I'm rally grateful for all of them. Also, I know this is totally mental, but I swear I know how to spell jose (with the acute on the 'e' and all that (actually I don't know if it's called an acute in Spanish, but it is in french so I'll just go with that)) but for some total nutjob reason I spelt it like hose for the last six chapters, and I honestly don't know why, because i know that's not how you spell it. Maybe I'm just an idiot.**

**And, I'll try and update faster next time.**

**Anyway read/review/whatevz.**

**cheers**

**Bee.**


	8. Another one bites the dust

**I feel like I should warn you all before hand, you're probably not going to like this. That said, too bad, because I just spent about four hours writing it. haha. There'll be more nice stuff next chapter. This just needed to be done. well actually it didn't, but it wanted to be. Read away...**

When I woke up the next morning, something felt a little off. It was still pitch black outside, but sadly, that wasn't unusual. Neither was the snoring which was still emanating from the boys; I was used to waking up before both the boys and the sun. It was then that I heard the noise coming from outside the tent. Small, muffled whispers, and the sound of footsteps, really similar to the way I would walk when I was trying not to be heard. They were coming from just outside the tent, and from the sound of it they were getting closer to the door.

I sat up and squinted hard at the small gap between the bottom of the tent and the ground. Even though it was dark, I was pretty sure I could make out feet, scurrying round towards the entrance. The voices were getting a little more urgent. What the hell was going on?

The flap of the tent opened. I didn't recognise the silhouette that was framed in the opening, but whoever it was, I was pretty sure this wasn't a good thing. Why were there people in our tent? And why did I get the feeling this had something to do with me? Reaching down to the ground beside my bed, I reached down and grabbed my hat off the floor, ramming it firmly on my head, shoving my hair up under it. I knew it was a pretty trivial thing to worry about, because clearly something was going on, but I still needed to try and conceal the whole gender issue.

"Hurry up."

"Shut up man."

"Go, what are you waiting for?"

"You go."

"Oh for fuck's sake, _I'll_ get him."

This interchange was followed by speedy footsteps, as whoever was outside suddenly rushed into the tent. They were definitely coming for my bed. Next thing I knew, hands had grabbed me. The first one covered my mouth, and then a whole load of other ones grabbed my arms and legs, yanking me and my blanket off the bed and into the air. I tried my best to kick out at them, but the hands had a tight hold on me. All around me, the snoring continued, uninterrupted.

"Take him outside," a deep voice hissed, and even though I knew it was stupid not to fight them, I couldn't see any point in trying to get away from all the grasping hands; I'd only be wasting energy and as far as I could tell that was something I was going to be needing.

I was dropped abruptly, and my fall went on for longer than I had thought, until I landed, finally, in what I assumed was a hole, because all I could see from where I was sprawled was a bunch of indistinct heads staring down at me.

"What the f-" my yell was cut off when one of the boys jumped down in the hole beside me and kicked me solidly in the ribs. I rolled backwards, groaning. I heard them jumping one by one into the hole, and just as I was about to stand up, another foot collided with my leg, then my arm, then my ribs again and I realised maybe this was more than just some joke on the new kid.

There must have been about six of them, and even though most of my mind was already being used to process the huge amounts of pain I was experiencing, a small part of my brain was thinking how completely pathetic it was that they needed six guys to come and get me in the middle of the night. It was hardly an achievement. I wasn't sure how long the beating went on for, but when the kicking finally slowed, I could feel blood pouring down my face, and sharp pains shot through every inch of my body. I was in too much pain even to groan.

"Fucking faggot," one of the boys grunted, and then the kicking stopped entirely. A few of them laughed, and after that, I heard the sound of footsteps moving away from me, as one by one the boys climbed out of the hole.

"That'll teach him," another added as the voices got further away. I coughed, and I felt liquid dribble down the side of my mouth, which might have been saliva or blood, or maybe a mixture of both. Teach me for what I didn't know, but whoever they were, that was quite a grudge they had. I don't think I'd ever been beaten up that bad in my whole life. My hat lay somewhere, discarded, but I knew for sure it wasn't on my head anymore. Not that I really cared at that moment.

I lay in the hole, unmoving until the sun came up. I knew I should try and get up somewhere visible, but it hurt too much to even roll over, let alone stand up. I knew I had at least a couple of broken ribs, and there was something dodgy going on with my leg, as well as the broken nose which I was sure to have. In fact, it just hurt everywhere. I was starting to get a little dizzy, and I wasn't really sure what it was from, but the pool of blood around my head was a bit of an indicator.

Somewhere distantly in my mind, I registered that the sun was a good thing, because it meant that people were up. Which meant that people must be looking for me. A more important matter though, was that it was starting to get hot. Too hot. My head was spinning a little more, and the blood on my face was starting to dry and crust over. I'm pretty sure it was around then that I felt my eyes roll back in my head, and I blacked out.

* * *

"Holy _shit_."

The voice came from somewhere above me, but it was distant and mumbled and I could hardly understand it. My head hurt in ways I couldn't even imagine. In fact, every part of me hurt. I was tired and sore and disorientated.

"Is he dead?" the voice was still blurry and hard to make out. I wanted to open my eyes, but they felt like they were glued shut.

I tried to move, and sharp arrows of pain shot through me like knives. I groaned.

"Wiz?"

"Thank God, he's alive."

"Someone get Mom."

"Someone get him out."

"Zero, if you're not gonna do nothin' then get out of the damn hole."

All the noise came at once, the voices buzzing above me, and wincing, I opened my eyes, with some difficulty. It was bright. Way too bright. I squinted, trying to get a proper glimpse at everything around me, but it was spinning too much for me to focus. I groaned again, and screwed my eyes shut, tightly, trying to block out the voices.

When I felt slightly less dazed, I opened my eyes once again.

There was a bright circle of light a meter above my head and dark shapes of heads and shoulders blocked out some of the sun. Closer than that, someone crouched over me, and get a look at the hair on it, it wasn't hard to guess who it was.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out except a dry coughing and a sting in my lip where it must have been split. I grimaced. I could feel the dried, caked blood on my face and in my hair, which was... I frowned. My hair was under my hat.

I looked up at the little boy who was crouched over me, looking down worriedly.

"Thanks," I muttered, my voice dry and raspy.

"Don't talk," he answered, "Squid's gone to get Pendanski. You're gonna be okay."

I moved my head in the slightest nod, before laying it back down on the ground and shutting my eyes. I was too sore to think anymore. I just wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep.

"Don't let him go to sleep," someone- Magnet- said from above me, "He might have a concussion."

"What're you, a doctor?" That was X-Ray. I recognised his voice, but I didn't know why.

"Man, everyone knows what a concussion is," Magnet answered, sounding moody.

"Whatever," X-Ray answered, and without even looking I could picture him rolling his eyes behind those giant glasses of his. If I hadn't been so sore, I might have laughed.

"Have you found him?" that was Mom. I opened my eyes as another head added itself to the group crowded around the hole.

"Well I'll be damned," he breathed, "Give me a hand to get him out boys. Zero, get out of the way."

Zero didn't answer, but I saw him turn to look up at the man, as though he wanted to say something. He didn't, just climbed out of the hole.

I shut my eyes again as I heard feet landing around me on the dirt.

"Be gentle with him now boys," Pendanski said, "We don't wanna go and cause any more damage."

I felt hands lifting me out of the hole, and pain worse than anything I remembered feeling, and then for the second time that day, I felt my mind spinning and I passed out.

* * *

"Hayden?" someone was tapping my face, "Wake up girl, we need to talk."

I winced. The tapping didn't hurt, it was just plain annoying. And why did I hear a woman's voice? I thought this was an all boys camp? Oh. Right.

I squinted up at the woman with curly red hair who was staring down at me with a vaguely concerned look on her face. When she saw my eyes were open, she stopped the face tapping.

"Good, you're awake." I looked around me. I was in my tent, on my bed, but from the light filtering, I was guessing it must be about midday.

"How long have I been asleep?" I groaned, trying to move and thinking better of it when I heard a loud clicking noise coming from my leg.

"Three days," she said, reaching a hand up and taking off her hat. "You gave us quite a scare there."

"Three _days_?" I repeated disbelievingly.

"You were in a bad state. We were giving it one more day before we sent you off to hospital."

"Oh my God," I muttered, not really to her but more out of shock.

"Yes, well, you're awake now, so we'd best get down to business," she looked serious, and I gulped a little.

"Yeah?"

"Who did this?"

I paused. I wanted to answer her question. I would have been rather interested in finding an answer to it myself actually, or all the good it would have done me. But when I thought about it, I realised I had no idea. So I just shrugged my shoulders.

"You don't know?" she didn't sound serious anymore, so much as she sounded pissed off.

"Nope."

"No idea at all?"

I shook my head.

"So you're completely clueless about the identity of whoever it was that attacked you?"

"It was dark," I explained, realising I sounded a little bit stupid. "I couldn't see. But I know there were about six or seven of them."

"Six or seven?" she repeated, and from the look on her face she was pretty livid. She took a deep breath, shook her head slightly and looked at me.

"Do you know why they might have done it?"

I shook my head again. I wasn't exactly being much help in the whole catching the culprits department.

"Well alright then," she said, her accent getting a little heavier. "We'll look into it for you. We can't have this kind of behaviour around my camp now, can we?"

She stood up, putting her hat back on, and heading for the door. She turned around to look at me before she left.

"Until we find out who did this, try and keep your head down."

"Right ma'am," I answered, nodding my head, and turned around, opening the flap of the tent and taking a step outside.

"And Hayden?" she turned once more.

"Yeah?"

"Fix the voice. It won't kill you to act a little more masculine."

* * *

**Sorry about the length. I'll try not to let it happen again. Review please :) I'd be rather interested in knowing what everyone thinks of Hayden so far. I'm quite pleased with her. Anyway, enough from me. Hope you didn't hate it too much.**


	9. Dirty little secret

**Sorry for the wait guys, I hope you enjoy the chapter though anyway, it's a lot nicer than the last one and plus it's got lots of fun little random conversations which were really fun to write :P**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, they really mean a lot and it's really nice to know what you're all thinking so far.**

* * *

There was one bright side to the whole fight- if you could call it that, which personally I wouldn't since assassination attempt seemed more accurate- which was that I got a whole two weeks off digging holes. Honestly, the alternative wasn't great, since all I got to do was lie around in my tent for fourteen days, trying not to move too much, but right now anything beat digging another one of those god damn holes.

On the other positive side, the guys had all stopped calling me gay, I guess because they figured I had gone through enough, what with being half dead and all that. Zigzag was still giving me the occasional dirty look, which I suppose was understandable, but he had eased up a little too.

I had been doing my best with the deep manly voice thing, since the warden had asked so nicely, but I felt a little bit stupid. I sounded uncannily like that giant guy in _Underworld_ when I talked now. Or maybe like a male opera singer. Not that I had ever heard a male opera singer talk, but if I had, I figured this is what they'd sound like.

X Ray and Armpit both found my manly voice attempts hilarious and had started mocking them every time they came into the tent. I thought was a little harsh actually, since they weren't that bad. Actually, that's not true, they really were that bad.

On my fourteenth night of being confined to bed, I was finally allowed to get up and go to the mess hall along with everyone else to eat. I probably should have been scared because there were seemingly multiple people in there who wanted to kill me, but I wasn't. I just wanted to get up and walk around.

X Ray and Armpit kindly offered to escort me there, which seemed really weird, until I realised it was only so they could make fun of me a bit more.

"How are you tonight Armpit?" X Ray asked in a ridiculously deep voice.

"I'm great X, tell me, why are you talkin' like that man?" Armpit replied in an equally ridiculous voice.

"Well, it's because I'm just so manly, you see Pit," X Ray answered, and then both of them burst out laughing. I scowled.

"Funny joke," I told them in my normal voice. "You ever thought about being comedians?"

"No," X Ray answered normally, grinning, then put his stupid voice back on. "I'm far too manly for that."

Armpit snorted with laughter and I scowled a little more.

"Come on Wiz," X Ray grinned, reaching over and ruffling my cap. "Don't get so bitchy on us, we're only kidding."

Yeah," Armpit agreed. "You're not really manly!"

Both of them cracked up again, and this time I couldn't help but grin.

The mess hall was exactly the same as it had been two weeks ago. Even the food was the same. And I don't mean that it was the same kind of food, I mean I actually think it was the same thing I had eaten two weeks ago. If it wasn't, they sure did a hell of a good job making it taste like shit.

"Well would you look who's back from their holiday! I'll tell you, you didn't need a holiday, you needed a damn good talking to! You need to toughen up Boy-o! Get some meat on you, then you'll able to stick up for yourself!" Mr Sir barked from behind me and I jumped a little, dropping my fork. It clattered noisily on my tray and I winced.

"Yes, Sir."

"That's Mr Sir to you boy!"

"Yes _Mr_ Sir," I corrected, picking up my fork and mixing it round in my dinner to avoid looking at him. The others waited until he was gone to start laughing.

"Get some meat on those bones!" Squid snorted, pinching my arm, way harder than necessary. I glared at him.

"Then you'll able to stick up for yourself, right Wiz?" cackled Magnet, flicking some random crap at me from off his plate. I ducked and it missed by a fraction. I sat back up and gave him the finger.

"Throw shit at me again and I don't care how skinny I am, I will beat your ass," I told him, but my laughing kind of killed the scariness of the threat.

"He's right you know," X Ray said. "People shouldn't be as skinny as you."

"Admit it Wizard, you're anorexic, aren't you?" Zigzag, shook his head, in a mock worried way.

I snorted. "Says the fucking giraffe over there."

"Giraffe's aren't skinny at all," Magnet said, shaking his head. "They must weigh, what, like triple what a cow weighs."

I frowned. "No way man. Giraffes are like, lanky, but cows are just short and fat."

"Yeah. That's like saying Wiz weighs triple what you weigh Magnet," Squid said, and every laughed, except Magnet, who glared. I was actually pretty surprised; I was sure that was the first smart thing I had heard Squid say since I got here.

"You know what I want to know, is why none of you are talking about how skinny _I_ am," Armpit suddenly piped up from his side of the table. "I'm definitely toning up. Soon me and Ziggy are going to look pretty much undentable."

There was a pause. "You're going to look what now?" X asked, looking like he was on the verge of cracking up.

"Undentable."

"Dude... Do you mean identical?" I asked slowly. Armpit shrugged.

"Same thing."

"Not really."

"Whatever."

And with that, everyone burst out laughing once again.

...

The downside to taking two weeks off digging? Your hands started to fix themselves.

Which meant that when you went back out there to start digging again, everything was a little bit softer. Which meant that, once again, everything hurt a little bit more. Not a good thing when everything else already hurts from being bashed up in a hole.

When lunch time came and all of us climbed out to go and get food, X Ray beckoned me over.

"Yo, Wiz, come up here," he gestured to the space in front of Squid. I raised an eyebrow. He just looked back casually, as though it was nothing special. I glanced at Zero, who just looked back and shrugged.

"Might as well go," he muttered, "Wouldn't want to keep him waiting."

"Who knew all I had to do was get a wicked hiding to get in around here," I answered, but went up anyway, because it was only a line and I was hungry.

Afterwards, I went back and sat in my hole and chewed on the sick tasting crackers, which made my teeth hurt when I chewed them, they were so stale.

Then I finished up my digging asap- which was surprisingly difficult, what with the hand issues I was having- and went back to camp. I knew that perhaps it wasn't the best idea to shower in them idle of the day while I was still in full view of all the dodgy males in the camp, but I felt disgusting and dirty and sick of being covered in crap 24/7.

So as a compromise, I decided to skip dinner and go when everyone else would be busy stuffing their faces. Not the greatest idea, since my previously twiggy form was starting to waste away completely, but I didn't really care. Not enough to actually change my mind anyway.

I headed over as soon as the others left the tent and took extra tokens with me, because I was feeling in serious need of a proper cleansing.

I jumped under the cold spray and despite it being, well, _cold_, it was still possibly one of the greatest moments of my life. I scrubbed my hair, and my face and every single inch of my body to within an inch of its life, which kind of hurt in some cases since parts of me were still bruised. Then I washed my hair again and grabbed a towel and did a James Bond style walk back to the tent, in case anyone had finished super early and was outside.

Luckily, I got back to the tent without running into anyone, and dried myself off quickly before getting dressed. I had my jumpsuit halfway up and was in the process of doing the whole chest strapping shit- which wasn't one hundred percent necessary, but I liked to be careful- when I heard the tent opening behind me.

I was torn between two options. One was the massively unwelcome idea of diving between the bottom of the tent and the ground and trying to wriggle out before anyone saw me. Which understandably, wasn't that appealing, right?

Then there was the other one, the one that I chose, which involved turning around and swearing my head off at whoever was coming in.

"What the fuck are you doing man, I'm getting changed!" I yelled, as X Ray's head popped up in the slowly growing gap.

"Man... I knew it. Yo Pit, come look, I told you man!" He said, ignoring me completely. I gaped at him.

"What the fuck are you on about?" Okay, slightly stupid argument, since I was, you know, half naked, but still.

"Woah." Armpit's head joined X Ray's and they both stared. I gave them the finger.

"Stop staring you sick pervs!" I yelled, giving up on trying to act like I didn't know what they were talking about pretty quickly.

They both glanced at each other, then shook their heads and turned back to look at me.

X sighed. "Not much of a view is it?" he said to Armpit all casual, like he wasn't being an asshole.

"You'd think if they were going to get a chick they could have got a decent looking one," he agreed and I gaped at them, past caring that a giant bandage like thing was the only thing between my chest and these losers.

"You'd think if they were going to get some guys they could have done better than Steve Urkel and Fat Albert!" I snapped back.

"Woah now Wizette. No need to be gettin' rude on us. Be lady like," X smirked evilly, in his evil voice, with his evil eyes. Stupid asshole. Then they both came in and shut the flap behind them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I shrieked in my normal girl voice, grabbing my jumpsuit and yanking it up to cover myself. "Who said you could come in?"

X Ray chuckled. "My tent, my rules. I'll go where I like."

"Man, I am not above killing you if you don't turn around!"

They glanced at each other and shrugged, then turned to look at the wall.

"It's not like we're missing much anyway," Armpit added, totally unnecessarily.

"Shut up."

I finished the strapping and dressing in silence and when I was done I went and sat down on my bed and stared at them angrily.

"What exactly did you mean when you said 'I told you'?" I snapped at X, who, to his credit, looked a little embarrassed. Only for a second though, then he just looked smug.

"We know Wiz."

"What's that supposed to me, 'we?"

"I mean _we_. Us two. Me and Pit."

"How?"

"I'm psychic."

"You're not funny X."

"Alright. What if I told you that we've known for quite a while now?" he asked, kicking his feet up on the bed, clearly proud of himself.

"I'd say how the hell did you find out?!" I answered sharply, glancing round the tent as though someone else was about to walk in. Which come to think of it, they actually might.

"Come on Wizette. You can't yell that stuff around the tent and not expect us to find out."

"I didn't!"

"Well maybe _you_ didn't... but you're boyfriend did."

Was it extremely, extremely messed up that for the briefest of seconds I hoped he was talking about Zigzag? Yes. Most definitely messed up on a massive scale.

"And who would that be?" And then the memory of some of Zero's words came back to me.

_I'm kind of glad you're a girl..._ But everyone else in the tent had been asleep. I was sure they had. Except that now I thought about it, another thing came back to me; the distinct lack of noise from X Ray's corner of the room, despite the fact that he was one of the loudest snorers in the tent.

I groaned. How could I have been so stupid? No, scratch that, how could Zero have been so stupid?

I recovered quickly and went into emergency damage control mode.

"You can't tell anyone!" I snapped immediately. "I mean it too. No one, not a single person."

The two of them looked at each other and snorted.

"Seriously! You don't get it, if anyone finds out about this I'm done for."

"In what way?"

"In prison way. They told me from the start, if anyone finds out that I'm a girl then I'm getting kicked out of here and sent to prison. Is that what you want to happen? For me to spend the rest of my life rotting away in a cell with fat lesbians trying to stare at me through the bars?"

"Alright, calm down woman," Armpit groaned, resting his head on a hand and staring at me from where he was lying, "We're not going to tell anyone..."

His uncertain glance at X Ray ruined the sincerity.

"...Else," he added in a tiny voice, as though if he said it quiet enough I wouldn't hear him and it wouldn't count.

"Else?!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and gaping at him. "What the hell does that mean, 'else'? You're fucking kidding me right now, right?"

"Well..." X Ray shrugged, "we might have accidentally let it slip to Magnet about your whole gender bender deal."

"You told _Magnet_?" I repeated, my anger building with each second. Magnet, who couldn't shut up for more than two seconds now knew the number one most important secret of all time. This was not good news.

"Yeah, but that's all, I promise," X said, sounding maybe the slightest bit apologetic.

"Um... actually, I might have accidentally, completely by accident, mentioned to Squid that stuff that you heard X," Armpit said, rubbing the back of his neck guiltily.

I gaped at him some more. "You _what_?" So now not only did annoying big mouth know, but stupid idiot knew too. How was anyone meant to trust someone so completely stupid with something so important? I was well and truly screwed. I told them that.

"I'm screwed." I rested my chin in my hands. "Completely screwed."

I could almost feel the two of them looking at each other without even glancing up.

"No you're not," Armpit said, reaching out a hand towards me and then seeming to think better of it. Maybe because he was on the other side of the room and couldn't have reached me anyway.

"Yeah, whatever."

"No, really you're not. We'll talk to them. Explain the situation and make sure they keep their mouths shut."

"Like you're going to be able to do that. They're idiots, that's like trying to make a little kid sit still for an hour."

"Look Wiz, some things might be hard for you, right. But I have my own special methods of persuasion. Trust me on this one, you don't have a thing to worry about." X Ray smacked his fist into his chest conspiratorially. Like that was going to make me feel better. In a weird way though, it kind of did.

"You know what I think you need though?" He added, as what seemed like an afterthought. "You need to fit in more. There's some issues with that voice right now."

"And that walk, man, I don't know what you're doin' but it doesn't look like how a real man should walk," Armpit informed me in his extra deep manly voice.

I snorted. "You would know."

"Too right I would. You're talking to the king of manly coolness."

X snorted. "Okay King, you won't mind helping out then."

"With what?"

"With boy lessons for this little Trannie. We'll start tomorrow."

* * *

**You know what else is cool? This chapter's longer. That and I have a cool idea for the next chapter! Kind of... I think it's cool anyway. hopefully I can get it finished quickly.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are always welcome.**

**Plus, I'v been thinking, is anyone interested in betaing for this story? That kind of thing usually makes me work faster so I figure if I get one then maybe I'll be faster. Plus there won't be so many mistakes.**

**well if you are let me know. It's just kind of an idea, because the updates are so irregular I don't know if anyone will even be interested. I guess I'll wait and see.**

**And please, on say you want to do it if you're actually interested in making the story better and telling me when something's crap. Like that's what I really really need so unless you're cool to do that then it might be better if you didn't offer to help.**

**On that kind of bitchy sounding note (sorry, it's not meant to be), I'm tired and I think I'll go to bed.**

**Thanks for reading**

**xx**

**Bee**


	10. I'll make a man out of you

"No, no, no. Try it again."

I tried again.

"No! Shit Wizard, it's not rocket science."

I glared at him. "It's not my fault I'm not a boy."

I flopped down onto my bed and pulled a pillow over my head, trying to drown out the sound of X's voice and Armpit's laughing.

We'd been at the 'lessons' for almost an hour, without fear of interruption, since Squid and Magnet had been coerced into dragging Zigzag off to the wreck room to try and give us free time. I was kind of starting to wish they hadn't.

"Who would have guessed finding out she was a girl would turn her into a whiny little bitch as well," X said, none too quietly.

"Shut up,' I grunted, without taking the pillow off my head.

"Too right," Armpit agreed. "She can dig holes all day in the hottest place on earth, but she can't deal with a little criticism."

"Shut up!"

"Make us," X replied, sounding almost a little angry.

I sighed. Maybe they were right. Armpit definitely had a point. I pulled the pillow off my head and stood up. "Fine. We'll try again."

"Good. Walk."

I walked.

"No, that's not right. Do it again."

I had barely even lifted my foot when X Ray's cries of "No!" filled the tent again.

"Oh for fuck's sake, this is fucking ridiculous." I sat back down and glared at him again. "I didn't even move."

"Look, Wiz, you just need to try it differently," Armpit said, in the most thoughtful voice I had ever seen him use. "It's not about trying to do what we do, it's about... _feeling_ the way we do."

I rolled my eyes. "That makes a lot of sense."

"It does actually," X said. "Good call Pit. I like that. _Feel the way we feel_."

"You two are crazy."

"Look, do you want us to help you or not?"

"Of course I do, but you don't need to be all mystical and shit to do that."

They sighed knowingly and I looked at each other, shaking their heads.

"You have so much to learn," X told me. I snorted.

"You know what, I think I'm done. To be continued, yeah? I'm gonna take a shower."

I rose to my feet and, picking up my towel and some clean underwear, I headed for the showers. It was when I got to them and saw the crowds of boys still milling around outside that I realised this may not be going to work so well. Namely because it was the middle of the evening and if I started stripping off right here someone was bound to notice something. I didn't know how I had forgotten that.

But I could hardly turn around now, could I? I'd look even stupider than I did now, standing around staring at all the boys. No wonder they thought I was gay.

"Boy!" I jumped when a voice boomed from right behind my ear.

"Holy shit, you didn't have to-" I stopped when I turned around and saw Mr. Sir. "Oh, Sir. Mr. Sir, I mean, my – I – um didn't realise-"

"Stop your blabbering, I got a message to deliver to you."

I shut up quick smart and nodded, as though he would wait for me to be ready before he started talking.

"The warden wants to see you," he told me, cackling evilly. "Wants to have a little chat with you, she does."

I almost laughed, because the way he was talking made me think automatically of Yoda, and then I couldn't stop picturing him with furry green ears. Then what he had said sunk in and suddenly I didn't want to laugh anymore. Especially not after my recent findings. Or rather X Ray, Armpit, Magnet and Squid's recent findings.

"M-me? With me?"

"Yes wi' you!"

"What, I mean why? Why would she want-"

"Get! Now!" He yelled and pointed a finger in the direction of her cabin. I scrambled off, towel still in hand towards the warden's cabin.

She answered almost straight away when I knocked. So quickly it seemed almost as though she had been standing on the other side of the door waiting for me. Not a good sign at all, in my opinion.

Despite that though, she still seemed surprised to see me.

"Oh, it's you. Hello Hayden." She stepped back from the doorway. "Come in, come in."

I stepped inside gingerly and studied the room. It was full of random posters of some girl, and I wondered for a second if maybe The Warden was lesbian, but then I figured she probably wasn't because her and Mr. Sir obviously had something going on and as far as I could tell he was a man.

"Mr. Sir said you wanted to see me," I told her, sitting down on one of the seats she gestured to. I considred for a second that maybe I shouldn't have brought it up since she was most probably about to kick me out because everyone boy in my tent except for ZigZag knew about my little secret. But it was too late to take it back now, and acting all jumpy would only make things worse so I tried to be calm.

"Oh," she took her hat off and looked upwards thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose I did. I wanted to check how you were mending up?"

"Fine." I shrugged the question off, relieved at how casual her tone was. She didn't sound like a woman about to condemn someone to prison.

"Good. So it's not hurting you to dig?"

"Nope."

"Excellent. That's really excellent. And I trust everything... else is going alright too? The walking, talking, general male behaviour?"

I nodded.

"Wonderful. You're really handling this so well Hayden. Most girls would have cracked under the pressure and told someone, but not you. I have yet to regret my decision to allow you to come here."

"Thanks..." I replied uncertainly, twisting my towel uncomfortably between my hands.

"Were you going to have a shower?" she asked me, her tone suddenly brusque and to the point.

"Yeah, but there's a whole load of boys outside, so I might just have to wait until later."

"Nonsense. Use mine."

I paused and raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Really. You have to be up at four am tomorrow, I see no sense in staying up later simply to clean yourself when you'll be dirty again in the next four hours."

"Wow. Well... thank you."

"Yes, it's not a problem but be quick about it. And whatever you do, make sure you don't let anyone see you coming out here looking too clean. We don't want anyone to get suspicious about us."

I frowned. "About us? Don't you mean about me?"

The Warden grimaced. "Trust me Wizard, if people see you coming out of here after having a shower the automatic assumption will_ not_ be that you're a girl."

Ew. I got her point, although I kind of wished I hadn't. "Right."

"All right then. In that case, I'm heading over to the office to check up on some files. I'll be back in half an hour. Try and be finished."

"Sure."

With that she turned and strode off out the door and I scurried into the bathroom and tugged all my clothes off, jumping under the warm - that's right _warm – _spray. It had been too long since I had felt hot water. Way, way too long.

For a long time I just stood still under the stream of water, marvelling in the heavenly feel of the warmth. I completely zoned out and just stared at the wall, blocking out all sounds and things around me. Then when I was done, I scrubbed up quickly and climbed.

I dried myself off and pulled on my underwear. I followed this with my chest wrapping bandage, before realising I had left my jumpsuit out on the chair in the warden's room. I was fairly sure it hadn't been half an hour, so I went out to go and get it.

I had set one foot out the door when I saw the problem with my plan. The massive, glaring problem that was sitting right in front of me. A problem which went by the name of Zigzag, and was seated in the chair next to my jumpsuit.

He caught sight of me just after I saw him, and his shock levels looked to be about the same as mine.

"Mother fucker," I swore under my breath and spun around, scuttling back into the bathroom and trying to cover my face at the same time.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled, standing in the bathroom with my back pressed up against the wall and my towel clutched around my chest. I couldn't see him and when there was no answer, I wonder if he had run outside in shock.

I waited a few more seconds and then peeped around the corner. Shit, he was still there, sitting staring at like some crazy looking giraffe. This was not good. Actually, this was bad; very bad. Not only did Zigzag have to find out that I'm a girl, he had to do it by seeing me half naked.

"Are you just going to sit there staring at me?" I snapped, when I was safely back around my corner and out of view.

"Sorry." Well that was he fakest apology I had ever heard. God, what a perv. "I didn't realise anyone was in here."

Bullshit, he didn't know. Unless he was deaf. "What, could you not hear running water?"

"No. I mean, yeah, but no, cause, see, I didn't think it would be... _a girl_, you know?"

I glared at the wall, pretending in my head that it was Zigzag. I tried to think of a witty comeback for a few seconds, but it's kind of hard to be smart when you're in your underwear in front of a reasonably hot guy. Especially when he thought you were a guy and has only just, this very minute found out that actually, you're not.

"Yeah, well you're the only one who didn't think that. Everyone else heard about me a long time ago."

I didn't even need to be in the room to know that Zigzag would have that stupid confused look on his face, like the one he got when Zero had talked in front of him that time. Apparently that's how much of a shock I was; on par with Zero talking. I couldn't be that bad an actress then.

"Oh shit. You're not one of them government spies are you?"

"Huh?"

"Damn it, I knew they'd get you in here some time. Look, I don't know nothing about anything and I ain't done nothing wrong since I started that fire but that was an accident, and you ain't got nothing on me-"

"Woah, slow down there buddy," I peeped back out around the corner and narrowed my eyes at him, trying not to show any more of my face than was necessary to see him. He was still sitting still staring at me, as though he was trying to see round the corner, which was kind of gross except that I wasn't so sure it had anything to do with trying to check me out anymore.

Was it possible that he actually hadn't recognised me? He had only seen me for a few seconds, but he would have... wouldn't he? He wasn't actually that thick? I winced. Yes he was; of course he was. Talk about misplaced benefit of the doubt.

"I'm not a spy."

He snorted. "Like I'm gonna believe that. Do I look stupid to you?"

Yes, extremely. "No, not at all. Really, I'm not a spy, I'm um, just a girl."

"Right okay. A girl who likes to visit detention camps? A seriously deprived girl maybe." He laughed at his own joke.

"Actually, I'm um, a... relative." I don't know where the lie came from but it practically poured itself out of my mouth. Well poured a little haltingly, maybe. It was more like the pour from one of those juice containers when they do the glugging thing. "She's my – aunt. Right. My aunt. I'm her niece. She's my, um, Mom's sister and shit."

Maybe the 'and shit' wasn't the smoothest touch, but much to my surprise, the idiot actually bought it.

"What, seriously? I mean, oh yeah, totally. I heard about you coming here ages ago."

I almost burst out laughing right then, except I didn't want to give myself away. Let me tell you, it took a hell of a lot of restraint. "Did you, now?"

"Phh, yeah," he answered, as though it was obvious. "Of course."

"Good for you. Look it's been nice getting to know you, but I was actually hoping to get changed."

"Oh, right." He stood up.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, I um, just problems – very manly problems – that I need to talk to the – your – The Warden about."

"Right." Who knew Zigzag was so funny? Even if it was by accident. "Those manly problems are a serious... problem."

"Mm."

"Right."

"I'll go then."

"Alright."

"Bye."

"Yeah."

When I heard the door close behind him, I sighed and flopped back against the wall in relief. Thank the Lord that Zigzag was so completely crazy and apparently blind too.

This was definitely a story which needed to be told to X, asap.

...

"No, I'm not kidding. I had to tell him I was the warden's niece."

"You what?" The two of them chorused in time with each other then burst out laughing again. I shushed them and glanced at Zero who was sleeping on his bunk over in the corner and stirred slightly at the noise but didn't wake.

"I know, it was insane. And then he acted like he knew I was coming all along."

X Ray laughed a little harder. "Oh God, this is too much, man. Way too much."

"Epic," Armpit agreed. "Who knew the boy had so much style?"

"I'd call it skill," X snorted. "Anyone who can catch Wizette naked is one talented man. Wait, what's that you say? We did that too? Oh that's right, _everyone's done that_."

"Ha ha," I snapped, grabbing my pillow and burying my face in it to try and muffle my mortification. "You realise it's not funny. Now he's going to think there's some girl strolling around camp who isn't there."

"And who's fault is that?" X asked, not sounding the least bit sympathetic, like I had hoped he would be. "You're the one who lied to him."

"What else could I have done?"

"Um... the truth is always an option. If you're really, really stuck, that is," Armpit told me. I glared at him and flipped him off with my pillow free hand.

"You're an asshole. You're both assholes. Fuck you."

X ray glared at me. "Do you have to be so rude? I mean, I like to consider myself a gentleman-" I snorted and he ignored me.

"-so I'm not going to retaliate, but you seriously get on my damn nerves sometimes."

"Yeah whatever. Like you're _so_ gentlemanly."

"Oh, get fucked."

I chuckled. "See?"

"Will you two shut up? I can't even think with all this shit you're spouting at each other. How's a man meant to meditate on something when all he can hear is you two jibber jabbering." Armpit glared between us.

There was a moments silence, then X looked at me.

"Did he just say Jibber jabbering?"

"I think he did."

"Man..."

I nodded in agreement. "_Man..."_

We both looked at Armpit. "_...Man."_

Armpit looked back at both of us and glared. "Shut up.

Any further development to the extremely intelligent conversation we were having was cut off by the arrival of three of the other tent dwellers. Squid came in first, covered in a thick dark layer of dust that made him look a bit like a sand zombie. He was looking back over his shoulder in an attempt to continue his conversation with the two boys that trailed in behind him, arguing loudly. It only took a few snatches of the conversation to work out what they were talking about and when I did, I almost fainted.

"Man, you really are crazy." Magnet shook his head and laughed disbelievingly.

"No I'm not!" Zigzag protested, flopping down on his bed and glaring around at all of us, as though we had something to do with it. "I'm not, I saw her."

"Saw who?" X interrupted, as though he didn't already know. Admittedly it was quite convincing, but I was too shocked that he wasn't killing himself laughing to care that much.

"Tell me you knew the warden had a niece here?" Zig asked him, crossing his arms over his chest like a moody little kid who just got told that Santa didn't exist and was still in the denial stage.

I waited again for X -ray to start laughing at him and tell him that actually he was an idiot because the warden's so called niece was really his roommate in disguise. But once again, X-ray managed to surprise me.

"Yeah, I heard about her." He shrugged noncommittally. "So?"

"So? Are you kidding? There's a girl in the camp who I didn't know about and all you can say is 'so'?" Squid interrupted as though he actually might have had a shot with her in the first place. As though he would have even talked to her, come to think of it. I felt kind of obliged to tell him this.

"Like it matters. She wouldn't look twice at someone like you anyway," I informed him, pulling my cap down lower in case Zigzag chose this moment to grow a brain and recognise me.

"Someone like me?" Squid asked, sounding offended.

I nodded. "Someone ugly."

Magnet cackled gleefully and Zig and Armpit both chuckled, but X just grinned slyly at me.

"Yeah, well from what I hear, this niece isn't all that hot herself."

I glared at him. I wasn't usually one to blow my own whistle, but he was really asking for it. "That's not what I hear. I heard she's pretty beautiful. A bit of a Heidi Klum kind of look about her."

X snorted. "More like Seal."

I resisted the urge to chuck my pillow at him and tried to think of something witty and insulting to say back to him, but came up blank. I was however, saved by the least likely person.

"No way." Zigzag shook his head looking pretty committed to whatever he was about to say. "That girl was hot."

I almost choked on my own spit. In fact, I actually did a little bit, but I managed to clear my airway without drawing too much attention to myself. X-ray and Armpit looked equally as shocked as I was, but managed not to choke themselves. None of this seemed to deter Zigzag at all.

"Yeah she was like all tall and tanned and Italian looking. Not Heidi Klum, but you know... It was a nice view."

On the outside I kept myself completely composed despite my internal gape which was going on. Did Zigzag just call me hot? And tall and tanned and Italian looking? Okay, admittedly that was a bit weird since I managed to inherit about zero percent of my Mom's Italian genes – and I mean that seriously, I'm _not_ just being modest – and the tan was a little overshadowed by the shocking tan _lines_ that I had going on around my shoulder area, but still; it was the thought that counted, wasn't it? Just the fact that he'd been looking was enough to warrant me feeling pretty damn special. Except that he had been looking. Which was kind of gross and inappropriate.

"I'll bet," Squid said dreamily, which managed to squash my flattered feelings immediately and made me feel a bit ill. Unlike Zigzag, Squid definitely didn't have the right to picture me in any form of undress that Zigzag may or may not have been picturing me in at that moment. It was alright when you were a hot, blonde guy. When you were a wannabe gangster with a bad accent and a stupid toothpick pretending to be a cigarette in your mouth, it was most definitely not alright.

"I'll bet not," Armpit muttered, glancing at me and wrinkling up his nose. I subtley raised my middle finger at him from where it was resting on my knee. He grinned. "He's only saying that because he wants us to be jealous."

"I bet you are," Magnet agreed with Pit. "Besides, if she was hot, she wouldn't like you anyway."

I raised my eyebrows thoughtfully. Not necessarily. There was nothing stopping a girl from liking someone like Ziggy. He might be a bit schizophrenic or whatever the hell he was and he might be a bit thick at times but there was something oddly magnetic about him.

"Too true," X agreed. "Isn't that right Wiz? Can you imagine any girl in their right mind going for Zig here?"

"Yeah," I murmured, not fully paying attention to what I was saying then something clicked in my head and I snapped out of it. "What?! I mean _no!_ Pfftt, God, ew, what a stupid question, who would ever go for... Zigzag?... God."

Good save Hayden, I wanted to roll my eyes at myself only I had no mirror. Most of the other boys didn't seem interested. Zigzag was looking offended, the others had already moved onto a new conversation topic and only X seemed the slightest bit interested in my last comment. He was staring at me with his eyebrows raised, looking like he had a whole lot to say on my momentary lapse of concentration, but thankfully he didn't.

"Plus she had great legs," Zigzag looked off into the distance (which in this case was the far wall of the tent) dreamily, backtracking to the earlier topic of conversation.

I almost, almost felt an almost blush creeping onto my cheeks. Not quite, but almost. No one had ever talked about my legs before. Not in that context anyway.

"And great tits."

At that point a pillow smacked Zigzag firmly in the head. It took me a couple of seconds to realise I had thrown it. I bit my lip and grinned sheepishly to cover up the scowl which was threatening to come out now that Zigzag had gone and ruined the whole moment.

"Sorry," I said sarcastically. "It just slipped."

"Asshole," Zigzag muttered, glaring at me, but he didn't seemed truly bothered by it. Instead he flopped down on his mattress and buried his head under his own pillow. Within minutes soft snores filled the tent. A few minutes later louder snores began emanating from the other beds and the boys dropped off to sleep. My eyes were beginning to droop when I heard a voice.

"Watch that Hayden," X-ray said softly from the other side of the room. I blinked.

"Don't know what you're talking about," I muttered sleepily, hoping he dropped it.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. It won't end well."

"Shut up X," I told him and then my eyelids shut firmly and I fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

**So how was that? It's the first of the promised Zig-Hayden thing to appear for quite awhile. Sorry about that, I just felt like there was some other more important stuff to write about.**

**By the way thanks for all the reviews fom everyone. I want to go through and answer them all and thank you individually but I'm too worried I'll forget someone and feel horrible for the rest of my life. Okay, small exaggeration but you know. But seriously thanks. I read them and they're all so nice and they inspire me to want to keep writing this. You guys are wonderful.**

**hope you enjoyed.**

**Bee**


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